A Starsky and Hutch Christmas Story Number One
by Hutch-is-gorgeous
Summary: Note: Safe to read at work. Some of this story does not have proper grammar, punctuation, or spelling, and has some overboard repetitions in an attempt to get the story to read the way I want it to. Story takes place in 1971. Hutch doesn't have his Ford Galaxie and Starsky has an old Buick. Neither one lives in a place that has stairs.
1. Chapter 1

Starsky and Hutch Christmas Story Number One

By hutch-is-gorgeous

Note: Safe to read at work.

Some of this story does not have proper grammar, punctuation, or spelling, and has some overboard repetitions in an attempt to get the story to read the way I want it to.

Story takes place in 1971. Hutch doesn't have his Ford Galaxie and Starsky has an old Buick. Neither one lives in a place that has stairs.

Also, I changed this story from its original version and so much it didn't get posted anywhere near Christmas of 2018. However, I do hope any readers at least like this story. So I know if you do or don't, please here on this website or wherever you saw the weblink to the story posted such as on Facebook, please give me a grade on the story like you get on a test in school, or if you want to please leave a review.

Categories:

Hurt Hutch

Comedy

Over the top silliness

Some arguing going on between the guys, but not for long.

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Chapter One

Inside Starsky's apartment

Starsky had already turned off the used, but nice color TV with the remote control that came with it, and was giving Hutch his full attention-

"Such rotten luck I have! Because though I'm glad it's not you, Starsk! It's me and not you and sitting on your living room couch with my severely sprained right ankle!" And the injured man Hutch didn't hold back adding, "Boy! Does it still hurt! Even with this not too tight, not too loose, Ace brand elastic bandage wrapped around my ankle to reduce the swelling!"

And Hutch obviously wasn't feeling like being stoic, or else he wouldn't be complaining to Starsky, standing in the living room and about five feet across from him.

"And even with my right leg stretched out so the heel of my right foot is resting on this extra-comfy pillow on top of your coffee table, my ankle still hurts!" Hutch additionally groused.

When Starsky shot back with, "Okay! Okay! I totally get that regardless of all those wonderful things, Hutch! Your ankle still hurts! What with how many times you've told me it still does!

"Although, are you done now bellyaching to me about it?" Starsky inquired and did so without shouting. What with having grown weary of hearing Hutch's going- on about how his ankle still hurt-While at the same time, and especially when it came to Hutch! Being such a big softie to still feel sympathy for Hutch (and yet again having been hurt in one way or another!) to still be willing to listen to Hutch still complain about how his ankle still hurt. If that's what Hutch still wanted to do!-

######

Hutch had long fingers and perfect for playing the guitar and piano, and for doing lots of other things. But when he pointed his right index finger at someone or something, he was giving the someone or something what is known as the Hutchinson finger. Currently he was pointing the finger at an ice pack and informing Starsky, "And even with that ice pack right there and draped over my ankle, my ankle still hurts!"

Starsky then watched Hutch pucker his lips and not like he was about to sweetly kiss someone either. But like he was sucking on a tart lemon was more like it.

And was Starsky's first indications that carrying on complaining more about the ankle was definitely what Hutch still wanted to do!

Followed with the second clues it was certainly what Hutch still wanted to do, when Hutch shouted and at the top of his lungs!-

"No! I'm not done bellyaching to you about it, Starsk! How come?! Because even though the ice pack isn't cold enough to penetrate through the bandage enough to give my ankle any frostbite, and even though I took the recommended dose of narcotic pain pills the ER doctor prescribed me for my ankle- it still hurts!"

"Okay. Okay. But I'm not deaf, so lower your voice some, will ya, Blintz?" And not waiting for an answer from the blond, the brunet with the curly hair let him in on-

"It's like this buddy-boy! I already heard you tellin' me your tale how earlier today and at your pretty as a porcelain doll, extremely feminine girlfriend's Fargo's cousin's place that Fargo was finishing getting ready to go to work in this shirt and skirt.

"Then, how she'd moved to Tennessee to be by her cousin and her new job, and you were about ready to fly back home to Bay City, and the white lace her shirt and skirt is made from is not see-through and didn't send your mind into the gutter… Um, that right after Fargo got dressed for work, she was busy putting these powder-blue ribbons in her natural and not dyed honey-colored hair, and another thing about her hair is it now easily comes down to the middle of her back.

"Then you stopped telling me your tale long enough to ask me if I was jealous that she was your long distance girlfriend and not mine, when right after I patted your stomach I assured you that no man in his right mind wouldn't be jealous- Especially with how pretty she is even without the make-up she wears, and more important than what she looks like, she has this fantastic personality!

"Then I patted your stomach again and again told you that no man in his right mind wouldn't be jealous. Even though she told ya before you two started dating it would be a while before she let ya be the 1st man to rid her of her virginity, because she didn't believe in having sex before marriage. And then you told me you was cool with that, but you wanted to run tying the knot over with me before you actually did get married.

"And that's when out of the blue you told me that Fargo's cousin bought a new duplex. A two-story one, and her cousin was gone from the duplex for awhile, but you and Fargo were upstairs when both of you heard someone knocking. But not on the downstair's back door, but the downstair's front one, cause _that's_ the only door with a peekhole!

"What you didn't tell me was a two-story duplex is also called a split-level duplex, because I already know that. But then you went on to say that on your way to look through the peekhole and see who was there before you allowed who it was into the duplex, as you were walking down a 100 percent guaranteed by who built the duplex to be a 100 percent accident-free ramp, you somehow ended up doing the splits! When I asked if you meant the splits like is done in gymnastics, you answered, 'Yes.' then pouted at me.

"But you weren't through, though! 'Cause even when doing the splits you gratefully hadn't split your britches open anywhere… that grunting an' groaning and gettin' yourself back to the gentlemanly standing position you had started off in to go look through the peekhole, you somehow ended up crossing those same legs of yours. As in crossed them right in front of the other so they resembled an odd-shaped pretzel of some sort.

"And next you told me you'd said, 'and right in front of the other' to emphasize that right after you got those same legs of yours and back into the dignified standing position they should be in to not look like a dumb ox as you continued walking down the 100 percent guaranteed by who built the duplex to be an 100 percent accident-free ramp, you somehow flopped your right ankle sideways, and severely sprained it!"

"That's right!" Hutch then replied. Then purposely frowned and at such an awkward angle…It too informed Starsky that before Hutch had stepped off that ramp to look through the peekhole is when he did such a dastardly deed of somehow flopping his right ankle sideways and severely spraining it.

#####

Hutch didn't think any of his journey down the ramp was funny at all; Starsky had totally different thoughts about it and snickered at him, and laughed, and snickered some more in amusement at Hutch and his klutziness.

When Starsky could finally get himself stopped from doing that, "Well, ya big klutz! And you can't say that you aren't when you are! But I wouldn't have snickered and laughed at you and afterwards told you that stuff about ya being a big klutz if it wasn't for that _pathetic amount of love thing_, along with that other thing called _Icky affection!_ -I have for you and not only my working partner, you're also my best friend, as well as my brother. Even if 'Me and Thee' aren't blood-related like my though Nick is okay, a lot of the time he's a big jerk and we are not tight like you and I are Hutch."

Hutch didn't have any kind of siblings besides Starsky, and not too loudly but loud enough for Starsky to clearly hear him, came back with-"Well there's more than one state in the U.S. with a Duluth. And even if you don't have your klutzy moments as nearly as much as I do!- I do love you a lot too my partner and my best friend and so on.…But back in Duluth, Minnesota, although I'm not a genius by far; without any difficulty at all I breezed my way all though elementary and junior high school!

"However! It wasn't until I was in 10th grade, Duluth experienced a not massive, but a noteworthy growth in student population, and especially when it came to academics, there was such a gigantic, though mostly friendly battle going on between the students of who was the smartest, when there was a vote on who of the girls was the most likely to succeed and who of the boys. With me being that boy who was voted that. That, along with without any kind of hitch at all, I sailed through 11th and then through 12th grade to become both genders' who were 12th graders that year class valedictorian!

"Continuing to brag about myself, but not being stuck up here also, Starsk, but you should have been there to hear the farewell speech I wrote and then gave at the graduation ceremony inside this one church's auditorium, and spacious enough to hold all the people there! Gave that speech and without getting stage fright too. And you know how I'm prone to getting stage fright even in front of tiny crowds.

"Plus, my parents were there at the graduation ceremony and thankfully, contrary to some people's beliefs, I have no strained relationship with. Though it is true they are rich, which could've caused some problems between us, but doesn't. They're also rich enough to not financially set them back at all to have paid for my college tuition. But they didn't have to do that had they not wanted to. What with how many offers I got from all these wonderful colleges through-out the U.S. offering me a totally free ride if I furthered my education there!

"As you know, Starsk, I chose to go to college here in usually sunny and warm Bay City, California and that is so unlike often freezing cold and snowy Duluth, Minnesota. But what you don't know is what's also keeping me in a terribly foul mood tonight!- is that at the college there was a Professor Turner and significantly taller and stockier than me, and I was utterly clueless and still am- how come he had taken such a giant disliking to me, and repeatedly did things to show me he did!

"Like how the time when after finishing all my classes for the day, I was in the right restroom, meaning a men's and not accidentally in a women's one…that after using the urinal, at least having the chance to zip up my fly, but not wash my hands, Turner flung open the door! Though he didn't make the door fly off its hinges, it sure startled me enough that I jumped sky-high and better than any frog could do and on the outskirts of Kleinfeltersville, Pennsylvania where my grandpappy lives.

"Then right after the door slammed closed that professor stomped over to me, and even though I had no fear of him ever drawing back his fists and hitting anyone, including me! -That speaking of a peekhole, and in a front door, a back door, or both doors if both have one!... He barked out of that mouth of his that if I was going to continue to pass 'his' class I had to write an essay, and with no more and no less than a 'x' amount of a colossal number of words why some people call the hole in a door you look through to see who is there 'a peekhole'. Others 'a peephole', others 'a door viewer', and yet others 'a 'spyhole' or 'a door hole'!

"So! I drove the Chevy car I had at the time to the apartment I was living in and wrote that essay. Then, to 100 percent guarantee I continued to pass 'his' class, wrote one and with no more and no less than a 'x' amount of a colossal number of words why some people call a drinking water fountain 'a drinking water fountain', others 'a drinking faucet', other's 'a water fountain', and followed it with 'also' writing why people who hail from Minnesota and the bordering state of Wisconsin where Professor Turner is from- are known to often call it simply by 'a bubbler'!

"Took me and non-stop, too! The rest of the afternoon and all through the evening, and until the sun was supposed to come out in the morning, to write both essays! Then, with no sleep for the weary, somehow having enough oomph in me to make a pot of strong black coffee, but accidentally had the consistency of white Elmer's Glue-All! Afterwards I choked the highly caffeinated, but ghastly tasting and sticky gunk down my throat and followed it with a big glass of water, and surprisingly without vomiting any of it back up! Then pulled on some rain galoshes over my socks and shoes and put on over the rest of my clothes a lengthy raincoat.

"But I'm not finished, Starsk. Because right after that, I neatly folded the essays and slipped them into one of the deep pockets of the coat, and making sure the pocket's snaps were closed good and tight- It was out of my apartment I went! And straight into the raining cats and dogs downpour!

"As you already know, Starsk! The 'raining cats and dogs' refers to a storm with heavy rain…the dogs. And high winds…the cats. But what you might not have any knowledge of is that 'Cats and dogs' may come from the Greek expression 'cata doxa' which means 'contrary to experience or belief'! Therefore raining cats and dogs refers to it is raining unusually or unbelievably hard.

"Anyhow! It was just my furthermore rotten luck that the wind and the rain, and with how fierce they were, though they and in some way or another managed to keep and by then my super wide-awake self from being knocked down and onto the sopping wet ground- the rain and the wind also kept the coat's hood pulled back all the way!

"Did so, even though the hood had these extra-sturdy drawstrings and before I left the apartment, I securely tied the strings in a knot around my not fat, yet anyhow non-scrawny neck.

"Although I wasn't being choked by the drawstrings, with the hood pulled back all the way, along with the cats and dogs deluge pelting my unprotected head, it also felt like these zillions of BB gun pellets and with heads like hammers were pelting my head too! And trust me, Starsky, none of what I've told you so far is an exaggeration, though I sure wish that it was!

"And what made things even more miserable for me is that morning the wind and the rain made it feel like these zillions of BB gun pellets were pelting my head and all the way of making my way the over two miles of high-tailing it and by foot to the college! I'm not going to go into the woeful tale of how come that morning I couldn't use my car to get to the college, or why no one I saw offered to give me a ride, but you know what, Starsk? I hurried into the campus' gym and still wearing everything I had on when I left the apartment, even with the galoshes still on, I glided and without falling and gracefully across the recently waxed floor 'n slicker than snot on a wet glass door knob!

"Then found some gym towels to rush and scrub my head dry with. A head that had no lumps or bumps or a concussion, but it sure was very sore! Then it was off to that professor's classroom I dashed and handed him the still in great shape essays!

"Although, right after he unfolded them, he only took one glimpse at them, next bellowing out of that same mouth of his that they were nothing but garbage! And to make it fully clear that they were indeed so that, instead of Turner taking his favorite grading pen and marking a big fat F on them or wadding them up into a ball and tossing them into the trash can, he flipped the switch and to the industrial-strength paper shredder from 'Off' to 'On'! Then fed into the mouth of that shredder my essays to eat!"

"I! However! Not one who would ever go tattling to the chancellor or my parents about Turner and Turner knew it! He told me to go sit down at whatever desk in the classroom I wanted to, but to write and with no less and with no more than a 'x' amount of gargantuan number of words why I wasn't one who would ever go tattling to the chancellor or my parents and I had to figure out how to do it before any of his students who had his first class for the day showed up! Which somehow, I astonishingly wrote that essay, and did so without any of the letters looking like they were chicken-scratched!

"And even after without looking that essay over any at all, he told me I was going to continue to pass 'his' class and with flying colors too! And no one could stop me from doing so and not even _God _!-And also explained to me that in Biblical times God caused the entire earth to flood, and Noah's Ark was made from Gopher wood and held together with a black glue-like substance called pitch and after the flood waters receded to the point _God_ wanted them to, He made a colorful rainbow as a pledge that never again would _He_ flood the whole earth!-

"Well, you have to believe me too, Starsk, that I was smart enough to not tell Turner that I remember a lot of what the Bible says from taking catechism classes when I was younger, but while I was still sitting in the desk seat in Turner's classroom, I accidentally passed gas and so noisily it buzzed the wood the desk's seat was made from. Though I….I…I…I! Was relieved that not one of Turner's students for his first class of the day had yet arrived! His laughing his head off at me and calling me, 'With Your Butt hole Buzz the Wood the Desk is Made From and Appallingly so Hutchinson' embarrassed me even more than I already was, Starsk! And it makes me mad…mad…mad that it did!"

######

And during Hutch's tale about why he was still in a bad mood tonight, the only thing missing in the background of Starsky's living room were some violins and other stringed instruments and being played by an unseen orchestra. But when it came to Hutch, Starsky didn't need any of Hutch's re-assurances that it was a completely true and what had to be an 1,700 words if not more believeable story about why Hutch was still in such a foul mood tonight.

On top of that, here all along Starsky and Hutch thought Starsky was the more motormouth one of the two, and he normally was. But all through Hutch's soap opera-like story, Starsk had patiently kept his trap shut! But now it was time for him to speak up with, "Well cheer-up, Blintz!"

Instead of doing that, Hutch sulked. "Do I have to cheer-up?" the fair-haired man inquired, when he still didn't feel like being stoic but because of his, "My ankle. It still hurts, Starsk."

"Come on now and quit yur griping Cowboy, cause sure, ya want to cheer- up!"

Starsky drawled out the words like he was in a Western movie. Then pretended his character Tony Wilson spun a gun around his finger and by the trigger guard- and breaks pretty much every rule of gun safety at once, but at least it looks cool!

Broadly smiling at Hutch, Starsky went back to talking the way he normally did, and in a still cheerful voice he explained to Hutch, "Besides that, it's almost Christmas! And using all the letters in my last name, I'm going to say something related to the holiday, like this!... S-Santa Claus. t- tinsel, a-angel, r- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, of course! And for the s- slinky! It can perform a number of tricks, including traveling down a flight of stairs and end- over- end too! And is one of the things I want you to buy me for Christmas this year!"

Hutch didn't look like he was in a bad mood anymore, which was a great thing too! But neither did he say if he would be buying him the slinky.

Although it didn't hamper Starsky any from and also happily exclaiming, "As for the k in my last name-Krampus! An' according to Central European folklore is a half goat, half demon with a long, pointed tongue that lolls out! On top of that, he has fangs! -Chains and bells he lashes about!-And during the Christmas season and with a bundle of birch sticks he swats naughty children and into behaving themselves!

"And then there is the 'y' to finish the spelling of my last name for me to say something Christmas related that begins with it, and that would be-yummy red and white striped peppermint candy canes!"

And then these two bright automobile headlights went off inside of Starsky's head to open his mouth and try to brighten Hutch's mood some more with-"And speaking of red and white striped peppermint candy canes and also motormouths and motors! I sure do hope that the Ford Motor Company 'Ford' soon comes out with a Gran version of their Torino and makes some that are candy apple red with a white vector stripe, an air suspension, and five-slot mag wheels with wider tires to handle stunt drivin' with, Hutch! 'Cause if they do! I'm gonna' get myself one!"

"You wouldn't do that to me! Now would ya, Starsk!? Please do please tell me you wouldn't do that to me! Please!" Hutch begged, clenching both of his fists that were placed on his lap with the anxiety, the tenseness, of Starsky doing that to him.

"Oh! Quit your sniveling, Hutch! Cause, sure I would do that to you! Can just picture it in my head too you griping to me a lot of the time how my Gran version of a Torino is not candy-apple red, it's a stri-ped tomato. And ya deliberately pronounce it 'stri-ped' to try n' further annoy me! And say, Hutch! When you were a kid, did Krampus ever have to punish you?"

Hutch un-clenched his fists and stopped bending over at the waist too, and returning to his normal upright sitting position he boasted and with pride in his voice, "Me? No way did Krampus ever have to punish me! When though I wasn't a perfectly well-behaved kid, because that would be impossible! And some other time I'll tell you some stories about how it was impossible.

Then Hutch couldn't hold back disclosing to Starsk, "Like the time I was seven and I was supposed to keep my pet box turtle Willy at home, but got caught by my parents being mischievous sneaking Willy inside their car to go to this grocery store with us to get some lettuce that was supposed to be for our dinner, and not for Willy's.

"At any rate, I was well behaved enough that during the Christmas season and all the other seasons of the year too, my dad and mom seldom had to get stern with me. If you don't believe me, call them and they'll tell you the same thing!

"Besides that, their ancestors are from Norway and it isn't in North Europe, it's in East! But that doesn't matter because you telling me who Krampus is…well it's the first time, and from no matter where their ancestors are from, that in all my 29 years and almost 4 months on earth I've heard anything about this Krampus! How did you find out about him, anyways? From reading one of those trivia books of yours?"

"Something like that!"

"Something like that! Huh!? There's something you're not telling me, pal! What is it?"

Then, though Starsky wasn't shaking in his blue and white striped adidas he had on, he was afraid of Hutch enough to give him the stipulation of, "Only if you promise me you won't get angry with me after I tell ya what the something like that is."

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye! And by the way! Would hurt a whole lot more than what my ankle still does! Ouch! Grrr! Man! This right ankle! Arrgh! That I promise I won't get angry with you! Ow!"

####

Starsky's response to that was to partially overlook the pain Hutch still was undoubtedly in, to be able to boldly go on to tell him-

"Okay, then! You know that one collector's edition of_ the National Geographic _magazine you bought from someone overseas,but when you went to read it you couldn't find it anywhere inside your place 'n you've been renting and is a little over five miles from that cottage and right behind a canal with ducks and you hope to and not too long in the future rent it and live in it for at least two years?-

"That is for at least two years unless you and Fargo decide not to marry after all or the people who own Venice Place decide to put an apartment above Chez Helene's restaurant for you to live in. Although you would have to walk up a flight of stairs to get to the apartment, it would have an enclosed glass patio off the main living area for you to put even more plants than you already have in it and for you to talk to, and caress, and baby the things! Not that I don't have some plants myself, Hutch, but doing that with your plants is going overboard when they are just plants."

"Hey, that's not fair when a lot of the plants I already have people and who found out they didn't have a green thumb, but not until after they already bought 'em, knew who to turn to and talk to 'em and caress and baby them, and keep those precious sweethearts from dying! But I'm also dying to know more about how you found out about this Krampus beast so carry on with your story, Starsk!"

"Well! The reason you couldn't find your _National Geographic_ magazine is cuz while you were busy working out at Frankie's Gym, I was busy inside your place looking at the magazine and reading this extremely interesting article 'bout Krampus! Then, I heard someone knocking on your front and not back door, and both without a peekhole or whatever else other name you want to call the thing. But going ahead and opening the door anyways, there was this fella who told me his last name was Spackle, and he was a real elf and of the real Santa's!

"Well! Who was I to tell him he wasn't that? Not with the way he was dressed in his extremely elf-looking outfit, and besides that! There were scads of other things about him, including how he has pointed ears like a real elf of the real Santa's has. Then, this real elf of the real Santa's told me that during the Christmas season and in many parts of the world it's their mailing service's busiest time of the year, and I didn't argue with him that it wasn't, when it is!

"And next Spackle said he heard you- and without any problems at all- had safely received in your mailbox a collector's edition of the _National Geographic_ magazine and when I said, 'This one in my hand?' Spackle exclaimed, 'Yes!' and that the real Santa wanted to read it, and would I give it to him to take back to the real North Pole and for the real Santa to read?' And you know what, Hutch!?"

"Let me guess! You gave that fella with the last name of Spackle and is a real elf of the real Santa's and so on,-'My' _National Geographic_ magazine collector's edition that even without the S&H meaning the Shipping and Handling costs, ate up over two thousand bucks in my bank's saving's account!" Hutch yelled, his face having turned to some kind of angry color and one that Starsky and never in his 29 years and nearly 9 months on earth had ever seen before.

"Yeah! I did! I gave him your magazine! And stop looking angry at me ! You promised me ya wouldn't get angry with me if I told you how I found out about Krampus! Crossed your heart, hoped to die, stick a thousand needles in your eye and so on! That you wouldn't too!"

"Oh, shut up, Starsk! Think I may have broken this ankle with the way it still hurts!"

####

"Oh, what a cryin' shame! Where's my box of tissues!?"

…Although… the brunet's insult and directed at the blond, though it too was just giving Hutch a good-naturedly bad time- this time his insult anyhow had a cruel bite to them and was totally uncalled for.

Totally uncalled for, yet not in anyways intentional, and Starsky didn't in the least bit hesitate sheepishly saying to Hutch, "Sorry about that! Really I am."

Then asked Hutch, "Ya need me to drive you back to the hospital in my old Buick, but still dependable car and have your ankle re-x-rayed to see if it's really broken?"

"No, thank-you! Though I and _Gilligan Island's_ soapy-scene here do and so greatly appreciate you would do that for me, good-buddy! I absolutely abhor going to hospitals. Even the ones here in the Good Ole' U.S. of A that I should get a gold medal-a huge one-for how many times I've been a patient in one or had to go to the ER for something.

"And on top of that, hospitals are cleaned and around′-the-clock′, and my nose says a lot of the products the custodians have to use are filled with lots of toxic chemicals! But I could use some Bayer aspirin for my still hurting right ankle. That is if you have some."

"Well, you're back in good luck, Hutch! Cuz I do so that!"

When as quickly as possible Starsky returned to where his patient was, when Hutch anyways looked at the label on the plastic bottle Starsk had handed him. But only to make extra sure they were the right brand he wanted before he took any of the aspirin.

Giving Starsk the thumbs up they were Bayer aspirin and the brand he wanted, Starsky still thought he best warn Hutch-"Don't take too many of those, Blintz! Will give ya a gastrointestinal ulcer, a humungous gastrointestinal ulcer! If ya do!"

"I don't care! Well, at least I won't care! Not after I drink that entire gallon of eggnog and has gobs of dark rum and cognac in it and is in a glass jug! You still have it in your fridge, don't ya, Starsk?"

"Um. No."

"And why not?"

"Well, it's like this! Earlier today and not too far from my apartment either, this bum asked me if I had in my fridge an entire gallon of eggnog and has gobs of dark rum and cognac in it and is in a glass jug and to drown all his sorrows with!…And, um! Are you fully following me with what I've said so far about this bum, Hutch? Cuz it sure doesn't look like you are!"

"Fully following what you've said so far about this bum and fantastically so!" Hutch informed him. That was right after he finished crisscrossing his arms and repeatedly in the air, ridding it of something that he could only see!

"Ah, are you completely sure you're alright, Hutch?" Starsky inquired, while quizzically raising his eyebrows. "Cuz if ya aren't, I'll stop tellin' ya the rest of my story 'bout the bum!"

"I'm peachy king! Though I'm lying through my teeth! What with the way the phrase is actually 'peachy keen' and what with the way my ankle is"-

When Starsky interrupted him with, "I know! Still killing you, but sorry about that! Really! I am! And! Well! Because I had what the bum asked me for in my fridge, I gave it to him!"

####

Then even though he could tell Hutch was all the way with it now to be able to completely understand everything he just said about the bum, Starsky anyhow re-iterated the, "I gave the bum the entire gallon of eggnog and with gobs of dark rum and cognac in it and in a glass jug and that was in my fridge!"

When Hutch clapped his hands in non-sarcastic applause for Starsky's generosity and added, "That was super nice of you to give him the entire gallon of eggnog and with gobs of dark rum and cognac in it, and that was in a glass jug and in your fridge, Starsky. However! Would this bum happen to have a full head of black and white hair and the same for his full beard, and both in desperate need of a washing then rinsing, and don't say anything yet, Starsk! Because if that wasn't enough, Starsk! Was this bum also wearing a dreary gray sweatshirt and the same goes for his sweatpants, along with on his feet he had on these patent leather loafers that were purplier than the Purple People Eater?"

"Yep! But how did you know all of that about the bum?"

"Got some more story to tell you, pal!" Hutch exclaimed. " Earlier today and when it was still daytime an' before I headed to Fargo's place, well this bum and who looked exactly like what I just described to you asked me, 'Do you and by any chance have 20 bucks and somewhere on yous so I can buy me-self some grub at this great steaks and pork chops and potatoes place that's open all day and all night?"

"And you did have it somewhere on you and you gave it to him! Didn't ya, good buddy!? Gave it to him before earlier today you headed to Fargo's place, even though you really didn't have the 20 bucks to spare to give the bum right now, and to buy heem-self some grub at this great steaks and pork chops place, you gave the bum the money anyhow! Didn't ya, Hutch!?

"Um! Yeah! Starsk! What you just said! But then right after spending most of what money I did have left on me and for people I have deep feelings for and you're at the top of the list, but that goes without saying! Followed then by Fargo, my parents, some other relatives including my Grandpappy.

"Then I also and at the may as well have been called _'The Do it and All by Yourself Christmas Presents Shopping at the Bay City, California Shopping Center and Then Don't Forget to Pay the Cashier! _I bought our newest snitch Huggy Bear and the Dobey family something_-_WhenHuggy Bear's cousin Huey Bear, and I'm just acquaintances with and I know didn't expect me to also buy him a Christmas gift ran as fast as he could over to me saying how sorry he was that he hadn't been able to get to me much soon than that, and warn me that guy was just faking being a bum!

"When he really is rich enough to feed the entire U.S Army, Navy, Air Force and the Marines, along with the Coast Guards and everyone's dependents!

"The fake bum just didn't want to spend what huge wad of cash he did have left n' somewhere on him on his own grub and at this great steaks and pork chops and potatoes place that's open all day and all night.

"And naturally I was furious with that fake bum and snarled to Huey Bear, 'That creep!' And naturally, Huey Bear and wholeheartedly, agreed with me!"

"Yep! That creep! I and wholeheartedly agree with you too Hutch and with Huey Bear also, Hutch! Cuz now that you told me what Huggy Bear's cousin Huey Bear told you, clearly that fake bum didn't want to spend his own huge wad of cash he still had somewhere on heem on not only his own grub at that great steaks and pork chops and potatoes place! He also didn't want to spend it on my entire gallon of eggnog and with gobs of dark rum and cognac in it, and that was in a glass jug and in my fridge and all nice and chilled, I might add!"

"That creep!" Hutch snarled again! And for further emphasizes of just what a creep that so-called bum was- and also because he felt like doing so! "That creep!" he repeated. Then went on to relay to Starsky, "Now that there's no eggnog and with all that alcohol in it, I need at least a twelve- pack of Budweiser or other good brand of beer, and I don't care if it's all nice n' chilled or what kind of container it's in, and to chuck down my throat and into my belly all these too many aspirin I'm going to take. Even though they're going to give me that gastrointestinal ulcer, a humongous gastrointestinal ulcer, and ya warned me I'd get if I do take all these aspirin. My ankle, ya know! It's still hurting! Plus! I still think I might've broken it!"

And this time Hutch saying that about his ankle was so unlike him, when all his previous carrying on's about it and to Starsky weren't done in such a terribly whiny voice! It didn't hurt Hutch's ears, but it did Starsky's, and forced him to grimace in pain.

At least Starsky was able to rapidly shake the pain off to report to Hutch, "No beer! And whatsoever and of any kind you can have! I'm hauling your butt and the rest of ya back to the hospital and havin' that ankle of yours re- X-rayed to see if it really is broken!"

When Hutch reacted to that news by lowering his voice to not hurt Starsky's ears again, yet loud enough for the brunet to clearly hear him sigh out, "But I don't want to go back to the hospital."

####

And because that was the kind of guy Hutch was and would always be, Starsky wasn't upset-wasn't angsting, that Hutch would ever consider telling him that he was putting an end to their friendship and to their work partnership.

At any rate, Starsky was upset and angsting about Hutch and that bad ankle of his. Besides that, Starsky was furious with Hutch as well as frustrated with him for continuing to make such a big fuss about going back to the hospital and having the ankle re-x-rayed. Even though Hutch needed to have it done.

Now the brunet and with no regrets whatsoever, purposely spat out of his mouth these words to Hutch:

"You idiot! You fool! No blond could be as ditzy as you! As a matter of fact, any street signs with the name Ditz on them including street address signs are named after you!

"Plus! Common sense is common but you are anyhow without any of it!

"Also, if you were just a little bit more intelligent, you would be a moron!"And Starsky continued with, "God didn't give you the brains he gave a goose. And all that 'Popeye' brand spinach you eat isn't making that brain in your skull any smarter or stronger! And here's one you'll really love Hutch and that is you're too 'pretty!' of a man to be this feeble-minded about not wanting to go back to the hospital!"

_Well, at least Starsky didn't go below the belt and bring up Professor Turner and holler at Hutch that Turner was right to have a great disliking for him. Also, Starsky didn't say anything about that Turner should've gone ahead and flunked Hutch in his class. _

Nevertheless, Starsky was on a roll and yelled, "And why don't ya want to go back to the hospital!?"

When Hutch, his eyes bugged out as far as they could go, and with his mouth hanging wide open and in shock on what Starsky had just said, stalled on giving him an answer. Then he came out of his shock enough to holler!-

"I told ya already!... No, thank-you on going back to it! Even though I truly appreciate you willing to take me back there, I absolutely abhor hospitals! Besides that, and as I've already said, I should get a gold medal for how many times I've been to the ER and how many times I've been a patient in one! Plus my nose says they're cleaned 24/7 and the custodians have to use what my nose says are toxic chemicals!"

########

End Chapter One


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

More silliness follows. Hutch's turn to say Christmas related things using his name, and Starsky ad-libbing the story _The Three Little Pigs._

_######_

Hutch and Starsky had first met each other during their first day at the Bay City Police Academy and had gotten along super well. But that didn't mean that the longer they knew each other, they would never get in an argument, when the complete opposite was true.

"Okay! But still! Hutch! There's that word 'still' again!" Starsky shouted, red in the face, along with Hutch who was hollering back at him.

Things needed to ease up between them to stop the San Andres fault line from being disturbed by their hollering and causing an 8.2 mega earthquake!

Starsky took on that task of keeping the earthquake from happening by cheerfully informing Hutch, "The only way I'm not gonna still take you to the hospital to have your ankle re-x-rayed is if you tell me Christmas related stuff! One that begins with H, one with u, one with t, one with c and one with h!"

_Their skin having gone back to its normal coloring; while still looking at Starsky, Hutch weighed it over in his head if that's what he really had to do! _

_Then he paused with his weighing it over, and long enough to make the decision to be in a good mood again and exclaim,_

"H-u-t-c-h-That's me! It has two letters less than your last name does, Starsky! What if I want to give you Christmas related things with one beginning with H, one with u, one with t, one with c, one with h, one with i…ah where was I? Oh yeah! One with n, one with s, one with o and one with n!?"

"Nope! Can't do that!"

"Why not!?"

"Cuz other than Hutchinson is three more letters than Starsky is, your middle name is Randolph which is really close to what Rudolph's first name is, that's why!"

Grinning and toothily at Starsky, "Well that certainly makes perfect sense to me how come I can't do that, but here I go anyways! …

" H- Ho-ho-ho Merry Christmas! u-ukulele that is one of the things I want you to buy me for Christmas this year! t-you already used tinsel, so I'm saying-tidings! The c-Obviously, Christmas starts with that too, so carolers! Then for the second h -holly! the i-ivy! the n- nutcracker! …Ah, what letter's next Starsk!? And should it be capitalized or not? 'Cause as you can see, I'm amused, befuddled and baffled and dumbfounded and as well intrigued if the next letter should be capitalized or lower case!"

"The next letter of your last name should be capitalized as in S as in Stupid and with a capital S too!"

"How come?" Hutch wasn't fooling that he wanted an answer from Starsky.

"Because this giving Christmas related things game has gotten Stupid and with a capital S!" retorted the one with an olive skin tone, with a growl in his throat.- His and Nick's mom and deceased dad, and a lot of their other blood relatives were of Jewish decent and explained the skin coloring.

####

"Well it hasn't gotten Stupid and with a capital S to me, Starsk! I'm having a blast playing this game! Besides that! There are only three more letters for me to go! - 'Three!" as in Zebra-Three!"

In response to that, Starsky, whose mood clearly could switch gears just as rapidly as Hutch's was back in a good mood what with Hutch mentioning their police call sign, that he busted out with a grin and that that ran from ear to ear!

That grin gave Hutch the green light to go on with finishing saying Christmas related things with his last name.

"For the s in my last name- stencils! And for the o…ornaments! And then there's the last n…nutcracker!"

"You already used nutcracker you big nut!" Starsky pointed out to Hutch.

"Sometimes you feel like a nut! Sometimes you don't!" Hutch sang some of the song to the Almond Joy and Mounds TV commercial, sounding like a real drunk though he hadn't had a drop of booze so far today.

"You big nut!" Starsky repeated! "But it's time now for me to give you these crutches, walk with you to my bedroom, and tuck ya in my bed! I'm sleeping on my couch tonight."

"After you tuck me in your bed, will you go to your kitchen and where the only place where your Amana Radarange microwave is and make me a glass of warm milk and then stir in some nutmeg, cinnamon, and cardamom!? It's fine that you bought them from the grocers already ground!"

"Sure! I'll do that for you! But when I come back with your milk do you want me to read you a beddy-bye story too, widdle boy!?"

'Um! Hum!" Hutch exclaimed, nodding his head up and down!

"Okay! Okay! Cease and desist doing that!" Starsky chided him, or you're going to get dizzy.

This time Hutch grinned from ear to ear, when he heard Starsky ask him the important question of, "But what beddy-bye story should I read to you, Hutch?"

"Surprise me! But shouldn't the second s in surprise be a z? As it's sure to be a prize for me that you read it to me!"

"Yep! The second s in surprise should be a z with a capital Z as me reading it to you is sure to be a priZE and with a capital Z! Now shut-up and let me go get that book that's in the shed in my backyard!

######

Not too much time had gone by when Starsky returned to the bedroom, sat down on the bed besides Hutch, being careful that in doing so, he didn't jostle the bad ankle with the elastic bandage still wrapped around it.

Although somewhere along the line, Hutch's ankle started feeling better. At least better enough that after he grimaced some more in pain, and Starsky rubbed soothing and relaxing circles on his back, Hutch no longer needed the aspirin, beer, the eggnog, or the ice pack. And he'd ditched the ice pack somewhere by the couch right before Starsky had handed him his crutches to walk to the bedroom with.

And as for the extra comfy pillow that was on the coffee table, it was on the bed and behind Hutch's back to keep him sitting upright while enjoying taking his sweet ole time drinking his glass of milk as Starsky read to him the classic children's book, _The Three Little Pigs_ and with Starsky throwing in some intentional ad-libbing too!

Starting with Starsky saying, "And speaking of the theme of doors and also the theme of someone giving something to someone!:

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The first little pig saw a man stacking straw. The first little pig asked the man, "May I have some of that straw to build a house?" -And the man gave the first little pig the straw and that pig went home and quickly built his house!

"The second little piggy was going along the road when he met a big dude-a man- stacking a big pile of sticks. The second little piggy asked, "May I have some of those sticks to build myself a house?" And you know what, Hutch!? He gave them those sticks and the second little piggy built his house with them!

"After that, the third little pig was walking on the road when he met a fella with a load of bricks. That little pigster asked for enough to build a house! And the third little pig and with the help of the man loaded the bricks into a wagon! Then bidding the third pig farewell, the third pig pulled the wagon to his yard and built a strong house of bricks!

"Then one day the bad wolf came and knocked on the first little pig's door and said, 'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!' And the little pig answered, 'No, no, I won't let you come in, not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!'… 'Well!' said the big bad wolf! Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll sneeze, and I'll blow your straw house in!

"The little pig then ran to the second pig's house! Then the second little piggy heard a knock at the door. The front and not the back door, because the back door didn't have a 'Welcome' sign on it!

"Well!" said the wolf. "Your front door has a welcome sign on it, so little pig, little pig, let me come in!'

Starsky then continued Hutch's beddy-bye story with:

"The little pig, and but of course! Said! 'No, no, I won't let you in! Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin and has a mole on it!"

"The big bad wolf cleared his throat and replied, "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll sneeze and I'll take in a huge breath in, then blowing it out! - Blow your stick house in!' Then he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed! And he sneezed and took a huge breath in and blowing it out! Blew the house in! The two little pigs then ran to the third pigster's house!

"That nasty rotten scoundrel of a mean bad wolf then came and banged on the third pig's house's front and back door. Both with a 'Don't disturb!' sign on it!

"And at each door the big bad wolf said, 'Little pig, little pig, let me come in! And that pig too, Hutch! And but of course! Said! 'No, no, I won't let you in! Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!'… 'Well!' said that bound and determined big bad wolf! 'Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll sneeze, then I'll wheeze and I'll use a super-strength asthma inhaler! Then I'll blow your brick house in!

"So, he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and he huffed, and he puffed, and sneezed and wheezed and used that inhaler, but couldn't blow the house in! This made the wolf furious and after he used the inhaler again, shouted, 'Little pigs! That's it! I've got enough breath in me to climb up this ladder then come down your brick house's chimney and eat ya!

"And it's as plain and simple as that!' But those three little pigs, Hutch! They were frantic pigs and rushed making a giant fire in the fireplace.

"And the wolf started coming down the chimney, and the three little pigs took the cover off the pot with water in it that had started to boil, and the wolf fell down the rest of the chimney and into the pot!

Starsky then turned to the last page and read the last sentence, "And then, Hutch! They had the wolf for dinner! And lived happily ever after!"

#######

Hutch sat the now empty glass of milk down somewhere and clapping his hands together in applause, "What a great children's beddy-bye story you chose to read to me! Loved the ad-libbing too! Um, but as odd-ball people that you and I are, Starsk! If Captain Dobey ever found out how very, very, very odd-ball we are, he'd grab whatever the closest black and white patrol car there was to him and with the siren wailing knock one of your bedroom walls down with a battering ram attached to the car, and then Dobey would hand us our _'You're Fired! Papers of Ever Working Again and at Parker Center or Anywhere Else in the World!"_

"And right after giving us those papers, Dobey would let some more big men into your place and throw our keisters along with the rest of our bodies into the nearest high-security insane asylum, and we'd have to stay there forever! I wouldn't be able to handle it and neither would you, and even if you aren't as much as being outdoors and on a nice outing as I am with being a nature lover."

Starsky was still sitting beside Hutch on the bed and informed him, "Dobey would never do any of that! He needs us too badly and continue to have the best arrest record for anyone who has ever worked under his authority! That's why we're called 'the Dynamic Duo' and also 'Stan and Ollie'- what with 'Me and Thee' driving Captain Dobey crazy with our many shenigans! Now hurry up and go to sleep, Goldilocks!"

"But it's the first time you've ever called me Goldilocks! Does that mean you're gonna read this widdle boy that beddy-bye stowie too!?"

"Not on your life! It's almost ten p.m. and I'm tired! 'Yawn'! So I can go to sleep on my couch, cuz it's almost ten p.m and I'm tired! Yawn!"

"Yawn!' I am too, Gordo! Yawn! Yawn! Your yawning is contagious! But, it's the first time that I've called you Gordo, so, 'G night!"

"Night back at ya!"

End Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Some tongue twisters. The end one I made up.

Ten days later, it was Christmas at about six o'clock a.m. and along with Hutch's ankle not feeling like it was even the tiniest bit sprained, with an extra-bright sparkle in his blue eyes, he reminisced to Starsky,

"When I was a kid still living with my parents in the big two-story house where they continue to reside, Christmas morning, as soon as I heard them in the top floor hallway holler out it was fine for me to come out of my bedroom also on the same floor, like other kids in the world would do, I swung open my bedroom door. Though, unlike those kids, I didn't run as fast as I could to any Christmas trees there were in the house! Not when it was so much more fun for me to have to run as fast as I could in search of where Santa had hidden my presents elsewhere in the house! And then when I found each present -like other children in the world would do, I ripped off the nice gift wrapping, the bow, and whatever else to see what gift was inside the box!

######

Starsky had an identical sparkle in his eyes as Hutch's and informed Hutch, "I already know everything you just told me! Not telling you how I already know, but though I'm not Santa! I rented and just for today this big two-story house and with a big flight of stairs like in your parents' house for you to run as fast as you can 'not' to the Christmas trees in the house! But to run as fast as you can in search for where inside the house the Christmas gifts you got this year are at. Then though you are an adult, like other children in the world would do rip off the nice gift wrapping and bow, and whatever else to see what gift is in the box!

Starsky then ran the back of his hand over his forehead in readiness to notify Hutch, "But there is a 'but' to you being able to do that, because although I can't entirely replicate those Christmas mornings when you were a kid, when we're inside the house I rented you have to go to the top floor of the house and inside the bedroom two doors down from the master bathroom. 'Cause that bedroom represents the bedroom you were sleeping in at your parents' house when Santa came during the night. "

####

Hutch squealed in delight and like he was a kid all over again that Starsky would do that for him!

"So, what are you waiting for!? Let's go to the house I rented!" Starsky exclaimed.

"Wait!" Hutch then shouted and was something that Starsky wasn't expecting Hutch to do.

"What for wait?" Starsky inquired.

"A big two-story house you say, huh? And with a big flight of stairs inside it?"

"Don't most two-story houses including your parents' have a big flight of stairs?"

"Yeah, but there's some that don't, and instead have an elevator."

"Well, this one doesn't. Have an elevator that is."

"That's great! Because though one of the presents I bought you is that slinky you wanted, neither one of us lives in a place with …zippo. nada… any stairs!"

"But ya went ahead anyway and bought me a slinky! How nice of you! But ya wasn't supposed to tell me you did, ya dumb Blintz!"

"Well, if I hadn't told you that I'd bought ya one, how else were you going to find out?"

"I'm a detective and I would've found a way!" Starsky boasted.

"Oh!"

"So you ready to go now to that big two-story house and with that big flight of stairs inside it?"

"What do you think?"

"Okay! But just make sure that on the way out the door of my fairly small one-floor apartment, and to my car parked in my flat driveway, that you don't do something klutzy again like step the sole of your left shoe on top of your right shoe, and fall down and re-sprain your ankle!"

"Don't worry! I won't!" Hutch said with all seriousness.

"Wonderful! Because one of the presents I have hidden inside that big two-story house I rented is a uku"-Then Starsky shut his big trap!

"A uke what, Starsk?" Hutch asked. "A ukulele?"

"No! Something else that begins with those letters!" Starsky asserted.

"You liar! You did to buy me a ukulele, ya big softie you!" Hutch rubbed his hands together in anticipation of playing it. Not that he'd ever played one before, but he figured it would be as easy to play as his guitar and piano.

########

Inside of Starsky's Camaro, Starsky felt like saying a tongue twister and did. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?"

"Beats me, Starsk where the peck's at. But how do you like this tongue twister, - To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, in a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

"Wow! You're even better at doing tongue-twisters than I am Hutch! And though I know what all those words mean including pestilential when it means relating to or tending to cause infectious diseases, and the phrase 'short, sharp shock' means a quick, severe punishment — what does a ukulele sound like anyway, Hutch?"

"You mean you've never heard one before?"

"Nope."

"Well, the four-stringed sibling of the guitar can look comical or cute when strummed, or it can look conventional."

"Okay, but I didn't ask you what one looked like, I asked ya what one sounded like."

"You got me on that one. Just like you got me the time I told you I baked a pizza in the oven, and you told me that's where people usually bake one."

"So what does a ukulele sound like, huh?"

"Ah. Like a guitar with four strings but smaller than a guitar."

"Well, that explains everything to me what one sounds like, Blondie!" Starsky sarcastically, though teasingly chided Hutch, then they both laughed!

###############

"Is this the big two-story house and with a big flight of stairs inside it you rented for the day, Starsky?" Hutch asked, just as Starsky was pulling into the driveway.

"Ah. I think so."

"You mean you're not 100 percent for sure?"

"Nope."

"So, if you're not that, what are you planning on doing about it then?"

"You see this green key right next to my red car key, and on this black and plastic spiral key chain?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"I'm going to walk up to the front door, put the green key in the lock and if the key unlocks the door to the house, then it's a go that I have the right house!"

"Good thinking, Gordo! And here I thought all along that I was the one with the brains."

"You are the one with the brains, but with a very, very, very, very low IQ!"

"That's pushing it, Starsk."

"Yeah, so what are you gonna do about it?"

"This!" Then Hutch grabbed the key chain and with the two keys on it out of Starsky's left hand, and then after Hutch flung open his door and fled out of the Camaro he ran up to the front door of the house.

Hutch was the faster runner of the two, it didn't take Starsky too much time before he caught up with Hutch.

"Oh phooeybonkers! Wrong house, Starsk!" Hutch exclaimed, after trying to unlock the door with the green key and not getting it to work.

"Let me try to unlock it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I just now heard someone, Curly."

"Where?"

"Inside the house!"

"Where inside the house?"

"By the front door." Hutch pointed at it with his right index finger.

"Now I hear the sound too. Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know."

"Well, just don't stand there dummy! Ring the doorbell and maybe they'll open the door so we can find out who it is."

"What if they don't answer the door?" Hutch asked, winking at Starsky.

"Oh. Now you're just being cute! Come on now and ring the doorbell!"

After Hutch who was slightly taller than Starsky did that, "I didn't hear the doorbell ring. Did you?" Hutch inquired, looking at Starsky again.

"Didn't hear a thing. How about you knock on the door and see if whoever's inside that house and I can still hear standin' by the door will open it?"

"Good idea Stanley!"

"I'm Ollie!" Starsky corrected him.

So it was that Hutch knocked on the door.

An old man then opened it, "Merry Christmas!" he exclaimed. "Come on in! Come on in and sit down by the warm fire in my family room, sonnies!"

"It is chilly out here!" Hutch readily admitted, stepping inside the house.

"Come back outside," Starsky whispered to Hutch, sounding like it was urgent that Hutch listened to him.

Hutch was rather annoyed with him for wanting him to come back outside, and especially when he didn't see any good reason he should do so. Turning around to face Starsky who stood to the left of him, Hutch shot him a look that said, "It's a good idea to leave me and this kind old man alone for a bit, so get lost to somewhere else for awhile. Okay?"

Starsky was still worried about Hutch and shot him a look back that said, "What if this guy here isn't the owner of this house and is a criminal?"

"Our job and dealing with criminals and almost day in and out. What is it doing? Making you paranoid that he is?" Hutch asked the question simply by cocking his left eyebrow.

Starsky also cocked his left one which told Hutch, "Well. Honestly- yes."

"Well, I've got a gut feeling that he's not a criminal!" Hutch remarked, and this time out loud. Temporarily having grown weary of the way Starsky and he had been communicating.

Starsky also felt the same way and so the old man could clearly hear him Starsky said to Hutch, "Oh, that same gut and the last time you got a gut feeling that someone wasn't a criminal you was dead-wrong and just about got the two of us cremated with that guy shooting his bazooka at us!? You know… a short-range tubular rocket launcher used against 'tanks' and that was on that guy's otherwise deserted of people property and lived way out in the boonies. That gut-feeling!?"

Hutch didn't bother with answering him, lest he get a stomach ulcer after all, if he did so…

"He's right, Curly. I'm not a criminal and got the ownership papers of this house to prove it."

"I'd like to see those papers."

"Starsk! It's Christmas! How dare you say that!"

"I was just teasing him!" Starsky said in his defense.

"Yeah, but you still were being a meanie by teasing him like that and I wish Krampus would suddenly appear and punish you by making you eat rhubarb!"

"Rhubarb! That's disgusting tasting!"

"Yeah, it is! That's why I said that! But it's not disgusting if it's stewed by placing the rhubarb in a large saucepan and adding sugar and cinnamon to it. Simmering it over low-medium heat for about 15 minutes, or until all the sugar has dissolved and the rhubarb has broken down.

####

Then the old man spoke up again, "Stewed rhubarb. Yum! And Krampus.-My brother 'Santa Claus' the real one! Told me and over the phone about him after reading someone's collector's edition of a _National Geographic_ magazine." Now that I think about it, he said one of his elves named Spackle told him someone who was a brunet with curly hair and crystal-blue eyes gave it to him to take back to the North Pole to give to Santa to read, and had handed it over to Spackle while whoever was the rightful owner of the magazine wasn't home, but at Frankie's Gym."

"I suppose Spackle has some magic powers where he knew I wasn't home but at Frankie's Gym. But that rightful owner of the magazine would be me."- Hutch next stated, "And the magazine costs me a lot of money too. But I'm glad now that Starsky gave that real elf of the real Santa's the magazine to look at."

"Real elf. You just said real elf! And you didn't argue with this old man here that his brother is the real Santa."

"That's right, Starsky. All along I never did stop believing there was a real Santa and that he has real elves. But there must be a reason how come the real Santa hasn't left any presents, not even one, under our Christmas trees and in years Starsk."

"Yes, there is a reason!" The old man named Krill said. "My brother has been so busy leaving presents for so many kids, that he hasn't been able to get around to leaving any, not even one present, for you two. Said to tell you he's sorry about that, but to expect some presents this year."

"Tell him there's no reason to be sorry for. I get enough presents from Blondie each year already and he gets enough presents from me. In fact, after we're done warming ourselves up by the fireplace and visiting with you for awhile, I'm driving us to the house I just remembered where I hid his presents at and for him to find. One of those presents is a ukulele."

"Don't forget about the slinky I bought you to do tricks with including….

"Traveling down a flight of stairs and end over end!" Krill chimed in.

Then they all smiled when Hutch said, "How about this tongue-twister I just made up?-Penelope Penny went to Piesville in Parkville, and ate a petunia in Periwinkle's garden around midnight under the starlight and with a guy named Mighty Might, and the Almighty is brilliant and created ants and the starlight and the moonlight. The Almighty being the trinity God the father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Spirit— Merry Christmas to all!

The end.


End file.
